Words from Inside My Head

… imagining there’s no heaven

After you’re done with some of the paperwork,
the powers of attorney, the DNR, the will,
and you’ve begun, if not finished, the other stuff;
whittled down the belongings, purchased a burial plot, 

maybe started your own obituary, along with some directions
on what to do with the body – cremate it, put it on display,
give parts of it away –  the body being the least of the
concerns – that’s when you might have begun to

think about how it’s one thing when someone else is gone, 
when they’re no longer there, and people miss them,
think about them, how they would really have liked this or
said that, and what a loss to be without them,

but slowly life goes on, you find yourself wondering,
what will it be like, not for others, but for you,
when you’re gone? How is it going to be possible
for you, yourself, to not be here, how can that be,

how would that work, and you look around, at your house,
at the trees, at the world and think about it some more,
how impossible to not be here, to not be able to
think about anything, anymore, and you wonder,

where will all the thoughts, like the ones you’re having
right now, disappear to, how could they be nowhere, how
would it even be possible for you, the you you are now,
to vanish, when you are so here, now?

Does it somehow compare to when you’re asleep
without dreaming, except that then, you wake up; 
what will it be like, being nothingness without being;
oh, if we could only recall the time before,

when we weren’t yet anything at all, we’d at least have a
clue about what it might be like to not be.
This seems to be part of the prep work
I’m doing in the here and now..